In this video, I explore how the 4-Year U framework—originally designed to help people set and achieve meaningful goals—can also help us understand the natural rhythm of relationships. Whether it’s dating, building a partnership, or growing in marriage, relationships follow the same cyclical structure that governs our creative and personal growth: Winter, Spring, Summer, and Fall.
The Seasonal Quadrant: From Question to Participation
At its core, the 4-Year U system maps life’s cycles as a series of seasons, each representing a stage of movement between a question and an answer. These stages aren’t just linear—they’re cyclical and fractal, repeating at both micro and macro levels. Every relationship, from the first connection to lifelong partnership, moves through these same energetic patterns of asking, responding, and co-creating.
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Winter – Connection or Matching
This is where everything begins. It’s the moment of mutual potential—like when two people match on a dating app. Nothing’s happening yet, but a spark has been lit. Winter represents the question—“Do we want to connect?”—and it’s the season of preparation and readiness. -
Spring – Opening Conversation
In spring, someone takes initiative and starts the conversation. One person leads by asking a question; the other responds. This is where creative participation begins. Just like new growth after winter, spring requires attention, warmth, and responsiveness. -
Summer – Heat of the Conversation
Summer is the height of energy and activity—the heat of connection. The conversation deepens, emotions warm, and the relationship takes shape. This is where chemistry grows and shared experiences form the foundation for what comes next. -
Fall – Asking for the Date
Fall represents decisions and transitions. After building momentum, someone asks: “Do we want to move forward?” This could be asking for a date, defining the relationship, or choosing to commit at a deeper level. Fall closes one cycle—and prepares the next.
Micro and Macro Cycles
Each stage of a relationship contains smaller versions of the same cycle. The macro journey—dating app, first date, relationship, marriage—contains micro-cycles within it.
For example:
- The app phase goes from matching to chatting to meeting in person.
- The first date goes from greeting (winter), to small talk (spring), to deep conversation (summer), to next steps (fall).
- Even within marriage, you repeat these rhythms every day: coming home (winter), reconnecting (spring), engaging deeply (summer), and acting together (fall).
The key insight is that relationships grow through creative participation. One person leads, the other follows, and then the roles reverse. When one person jumps ahead—trying to rush through the natural progression—the structure breaks down. By honoring the sequence, you stay aligned with the natural flow of connection.
Why This Matters
Just as 4-Year U helps you move from dreaming to doing in your goals, it also helps you see that relationships flourish when they follow their natural timing. Skipping seasons, forcing growth, or resisting change creates imbalance. But when you participate fully in each stage—asking, listening, responding, creating—you move in rhythm with life itself.